I’ve got my Tuesday night dilemma again, the dilemma that all I want is to go home and spend time with my daughter, versus the fact that it’s actually my weekly jujitsu training night. I guess the fact that I am even thinking about it being an effort tells me I need to consider the long term aspect of it. I have been doing this for four years now, and I have enjoyed it a lot along the way, but recently I am just finding that I’ve lost a bit of passion, and I have to keep pushing myself into going each week. Yes, it’s good fun when I’m there, but unless something changes then I can’t see myself doing this for a whole lot longer. I think I actually need to set myself a deadline, if I’m still feeling this way at Christmas then maybe it’s time to reconsider and hang up my belt… well, my many belts now I have a collection of them in all different colours. Deep down I am hoping that this is temporary, I’ll get over myself and keep going, but in reality it just feels like it’s getting in the way at the moment. The question I need to be asking myself is “do I really want to be going out tonight?” To which the answer is “no”. So I guess the next question should be “well, why ARE you going out then?”. I know it’s something I am doing out of duty at the moment, but it’s not something I can just pick up and put down as and when I feel like it. When I go for each grading to pass my next belt and move up the ranks, it’s not just my skill that’s graded, it’s my commitment and attitude. Turning up late, or regularly missing sessions and talking back to the sensei are all things that are taken into consideration. I also have my next grading in four or five weeks time, so it’s not really a good time to be missing any sessions. It doesn’t help that the only person on the same grade as me, as we started around the same time, hasn’t been for a number of weeks due to a back injury, and so with the grading coming up I haven’t had chance to practise the advanced stuff that I need to be going over, as everyone else is now several belts below me! I guess I need to suck it in and show some commitment for the next few weeks at the very least.
This morning I managed to grab a few photos of Olivia as the wife had fixed her hair up for the Crazy Hair Day at the nursery in aid of Children In Need. She already looks cute, we know that, but somehow managed to look even cuter this morning! Its a good job it only took five minutes to get this look, as we had to wake her up for nursery. She’d been up in the night again and was likely to sleep in. Night times have been pretty good for us up until recent weeks, and now they’re a bit hit and miss. I’d say about half the week we sleep through without issues, and the other half she will wake up at least once. I don’t like to hear her upset, but getting up to settle her with a few cuddles is still nice, especially when it works! It came as no surprise though, that when I came to pick her up after nursery today her hair was no longer looking like this, in fact there was not a single band left in her hair, nor was there shoes on her feet, or even any socks. For some reason she loves to take everything off her feet and won’t keep anything in her hair, I guess its a pretty common toddler thing, and I have to admire her consistency! One thing that has changed is how she reacts when I pick her up from nursery now, at first she was all smiles when she first saw me, and now when she sees like and just whinges like sees saying “I can’t believe you left me with these people… pick me up NOW!”. The nursery staff, however, inform me that she has had a fantastic day and has loved every minute of it! I think our little lady is sneakily trying to wrap daddy around her little finger already! I have years of this to come… don’t I?!