“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”
I did say that when I started this project, I didn’t want it to just be one photo of my daughter after another, and whilst I have done quite well avoiding that situation so far, sometimes I have to give in for two reasons. Life is busy. Life is so very busy, and yes I know everyone says they’re busy, but really, just how busy are they when they are sat down at the end of the day watching X-Factor or some dismal soap opera? I can’t bear to think of myself just sat in front of a tv each evening as the minutes of my life just trickle away, I like to think I am doing something at least a little more engaging or something productive. It keeps me happy, and yes there are times when I’d like nothing more than to put my feet up, stick something on the tv that requires no thought other than me to just sit there and absorb it, while I wash down my visual pleasures with a nice cold beer from the fridge, and boy do I wish I had more time for that sometimes. The fact is that I often find myself committing my time to too many things. Its a tough thing for me to balance, and the one thing I don’t want to risk as a result of this is not having enough time for the family, and by family I mean specifically my daughter and my wife. Tonight I felt it, I had innocently popped to a friends house, as is a Wednesday night tradition, for a cup of tea and a chat. sadly I had not spent much time with the wife and she was on her way to bed by the time I got back, not looking very impressed with the mere 30 minutes I had spent with her over dinner, and rightly so. How do I come back from this? Well I like to think that unusually busy weeks such as this one, will pass, and whilst trying to work things out to provide a better future, hopefully I will begin to eventually have more time on my hands, although in the short term the benefits will seem elusive. I don’t know, I try to juggle many balls, and sometimes I drop one. Still, I’d prefer to drop a ball now and again than wake up at 60 years old and think “where did the last 25 years go?… Oh yeah, work and tv!” And so, while I push on with this journey and try to find the right balance of time with the family vs a better future vs keeping my sanity, I like to record the journey, and if there is one thing I have learnt in the last 10 months of being a parent, its that time goes quickly, so so quickly. Our daughter was merely a bump on her mommys tummy for so many photos, merely a dream of what could be, for so long, and now she is almost a year old and developing into a real little character, and her facial expressions never fail to make me chuckle, seeing the person inside start to appear behind the mask of the baby she used to be! Todays photo, for me, really highlights this. She’s a person, a real person, who is going to be all grown up one day, and we made her! I just try to enjoy each day with her as best I can while she is too small to run away and not have time for mommy and daddy any more! We want to nurture her to be the best person we can make her, give her opportunities, encourage her, make her feel special with spoiling her. Its so hard, and there’s no guarantee we’ll get it right. I just hope that one day, when we get to find out if we did a good job or not, she won’t be too big for hugs with the two people who love her the most!