83.365


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Today started out okay, but didn’t end up being the day I expected it to be. Work was one contributing factor, a bit of an up and down day with some unwelcome news right at the very end of the day, but its news that although I don’t like regarding certain changes, I can’t do much about it, so I have to embrace these changes, even if I don’t agree with them. I’m not the boss, and until I am its not really my place to question the logic behind these changes, especially as they were made with more information than I have access to! I did come home to the dinner almost ready and the wife having been busy and productive. One of the things she managed to do was get this sign that was given to us as a gift, up onto Olivia’s door.

This evening wasn’t hugely productive, I managed to get a few more bits into the loft, but I still have much to do around the house, little jobs tidying things up. While I was sorting through and preparing things for the loft I came across some of my dad’s stuff and found a photo where I could instantly see myself. What do you think?
Dad1
me1
My wife still says she sees my mom in me, but I’m not so sure. Sadly my dad passed away seven and a half years ago, and to this day I will always regret that I didn’t see more of him. His drinking got in the way of a lot of things, and I let it affect our relationship. Maybe I could have been a bit more mature in my decisions, but I was young and didn’t ever imagine a time when he wouldn’t be there. His brother, my uncle, was someone who I grew up barely knowing, having only ever seeing him a handful of times. We spoke after my dad passed away, although costs over the funeral caused huge friction and he refused to speak to me after that. I’ll be honest… it wasn’t the biggest loss ever, I hadn’t heard from him for the previous 35 years anyway! Its not like this was life changing news. Yes, it was a bit disappointing, I’ll give you that, my dads side of the family is small anyway, and getting smaller. For some reason though, I’m the black sheep, they don’t like me, apart from my one cousin, they’ve never tried to contact me in the last 20 years and thats the way it is. At least I always had my moms side of the family, although even thats not quite the case so much any more, certain events and arguments in the past have meant that we’re just not as close any more as we used to be, nowhere near as close. Families are funny things, and “family” used to mean something different when I was growing up to what it means now. I thought I understood them, I though there was some kind of secret bond, apparently there isn’t. Even going back to my wedding, two of my cousins boycotted the wedding and didn’t turn up, just because their mom fell out with my mom. One of them even went and removed me from facebook shortly after that. Charming!

Anyway, this evening I have been very tired, and it has lent itself to me being somewhat thoughtful about stuff. I’ll get over it though. Sometimes I just need to dwell on the past a bit, maybe a need to just try and work out where it all went wrong, maybe its just so I can be sure I don’t make the same mistakes myself now I am a married man and a father, and its actually my turn to be the family man!

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2 thoughts on “83.365

  1. It’s so sad that families can end up this way. Sometimes your friends can be more family than your actual family. Dysfunctional families seem to be the norm anymore.

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